| Lost in Suburbia |
| | This column will self-destruct in ten seconds
05/07/2008
I recently had the bad luck to lose my cell phone. Fortunately, this catastrophic turn of events only lasted about half an hour. And while I was exceedingly unhappy for that half hour, I have to admit, it was a really good learning experience.
|
| | Birds of a feather…
04/29/2008
“The ducks are back,” my husband told me when I woke up one morning. “And your parents called. They’ll be back up north at the end of May.”
|
| | Once upon a sagging mattress
04/23/2008
Tracy and her husband go mattress shopping after she is sucked into her old mattress.
|
| | The decaffeination of Ms. Tracy Beckerman
04/16/2008
I love coffee. I have always loved coffee. When I was a kid I would have a big cup of sugared-up coffee every morning with my parents before school.
|
| | This toaster oven is, um, toast
04/09/2008
Goldilocks has nothing on me. She couldn?t find a chair that wasn?t too hard or too soft.
|
| | That’s the way the Frito crumbles
03/21/2008
There’s something about riding in the car that transforms normal children with average appetites into ravenous, snack-ingesting monsters.
|
| | March of the suburban penguins
03/21/2008
I woke up and it was cold. So cold that I could see my breath.
|
| | Typhoid Tracy
03/12/2008
After eating my way through four Orlando theme parks in five days, I knew I had put on some serious vacation poundage. By the time we got to Seaworld, I felt like Shamu was family.
|
| | All pooped out
02/27/2008
Barely a week after we cleared up a severe case of canine dandruff with our dog, our two other pets decided to revolt.
|
| | That little itch should be telling us something
02/20/2008
“Does Head and Shoulders work on dogs?” I asked the guy behind the counter at the pharmacy.
|
| | Attack of the heart-shaped chocolate bars
02/13/2008
Under the best of circumstances, I’d sooner have oral surgery than take my kids shopping with me. Around Valentines Day, I’d even go for a root canal.
|
| | A walk on the lighter side
01/23/2008
“What do you want for your birthday?” I was asked by some family members in anticipation of the upcoming anniversary of the miracle that was my birth.
|
| | Cross my legs and hope to die
01/02/2008
One morning, I had a big cup of coffee as I usually do, and then I got in the car and drove 40 minutes to a clothing store I had been curious to check out.
|
