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Better looking through chemistry
(by Michael Dennehy - January 02, 2008)
Well it’s over already, the holiday season has come and gone. The Big Three: Thanksgiving, Christmas/Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve, so long awaited have sped by. As we get older time seems to speed up, doesn’t it? Kids wait and wait – “Oh mommy it’s taking so long for Christmas to get here!” they cry. While poor mom and dad see the time for shopping and decorating getting shorter and shorter.
Have you stepped on a scale yet? What about those new slacks/ jeans you got for Christmas that are too tight around the waist? They would have fit last year. Have you brought them back to the store to exchange them? And you promised yourself you’d go easy on all the “goodies this year” just as you promised in the past. With all the great food and desserts out there though who can resist?
I was thinking before the holidays that there has been a not-so quiet revolution in over the past generation or two. It’s theme: 70 is the new 50 and 50 the new 30. People have more energy, money and opportunity to do more: travel, sports etc. We can be thankful today we are in better health as we age. Many are able to retire early and literally see the world. It’s the other thing that is problematic: people 50 want to look 30 and some who are 70 want to look 50 because that’s how they feel. I’m not so sure about this part of the revolution.
It doesn’t help that we are inundated daily by ads charging us to be slimmer, and yes, even to look younger. It’s kind of scary don’t you think? Losing weight for many is a good idea. As a nation we do have a problem with being overweight. Sixty million Americans are obese –one third of women between 20 and 74!
But it seems “they” want us all to look alike! Maybe like Brad and Angelina or George Clooney and whichever starlet is not currently in jail. I was watching TV the other day and I’m convinced that every woman under 30 and blonde is working in
Hollywood . Problem is I can’t tell them apart – Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and that gal from “Grey’s Anatomy”… what’s her name? Whatever happened to the Liz and Ava and Rita Hayward looks? Whatever happened to variety?
And look at the TV news-game as my Dad would call it. Some of the “anchors” are the most beautiful, young, women any sailor would be cast away by. (Sorry-lousy pun). And have you noticed their teeth? How can you help but notice them? They’re so white they jump out at you. Skin tone is another fashion craze. Men and women now sport an all over tan even in the dead of winter. White teeth-tan skin. I’m out of it – my teeth are on the tan side and my skin is that ole’ Irish pale white. Not that these ladies can’t do the job, but whatever happened to those grinch types like Edward R. Murrow and Walter Cronkite?
In our youth-oriented society once we hit 30 wrinkles seem to appear out of nowhere. And for men we seem to have more forehead than we did before. I would wager we start to be tempted by all these ads. I read an article where a doctor said he did a facelift on a woman who was 86! Wow! Maybe we’re all gonna look like Joan Rivers and Kenny Rogers rather than Brad and Angie! Today you can get wrinkles removed; hair replaced or removed; love handles taken off; larger breasts installed. Anything you can imagine.
The hair thing reminds me of a funny story about my dad. He was meticulous about his appearance. He had a thick head of dark curly hair. He would always make sure it was perfectly combed and trimmed properly. When he retired it was all grayish/white. He let it grow longer especially in the back and seemed to like his new look. Then one night he and Mom were out to eat at a small restaurant. The waitress approached from behind Dad and as she did she said, “And what can I get for you ladies?” Dad gave a loud “Hurrrumph!” His “grunge” era was over.
Today you can change virtually anything you want about your physical appearance. According to statistics by the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery nearly 11.5 million cosmetic surgical and nonsurgical procedures were performed in the in 2005. Cosmetic procedures have increased 444 percent since such stats have been collected. The most popular surgical procedure was liposuction defined as the surgical withdrawal of excess fat from local areas under the skin by means of a small incision and vacuum suctioning – gross!
But come to think of it, I do have those love handles. Botox is the most frequently used non-surgical procedure. Botox is a protein. It is a poisonous protein in large quantities. It is injected into the wrinkles and basically freezes the muscles. It is not a permanent fix so it has to be repeated. It is also used for migraines. I get migraines. Take Botox get rid of migraines and wrinkles. Hmmm?
Here are some other cosmetic procedures: breast augmentation; breast lift; breast reduction; tummy tuck; ear surgery (Hmmm? Our granddaughter Emma thinks my ears are “so big!”); facelift; lip augmentation; nose reshaping. Some others: hair transplantation; hair removal and spider vein treatment. A sign of the times is the increase in breast augmentation (no pun intended) by 9 percent and breast lift by 23 percent.
I wonder if the Community Life would be interested in funding me for various cosmetic procedures over this new year – say to the tune of $10 grand. You know Botox, liposuction; skin resurfacing; a little hair augmentation and coloring. Purely for journalistic purposes of course. I could write periodic reports on the progress. Hmmm… I guess not.
Anyway I’ve never felt younger or happier as I do today in the afternoon of my 60s. Don’t mess with a good thing I say.
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