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Listening about town
(by Jennifer Botkin Phillips - July 23, 2008)
Sometimes I get so caught up living life on the run that I forget my own agenda. Usually, the pulse beat from absorbing the here and the now is my reward, though life on the run isn’t always a good thing. Kind of like multitasking; it seems to be the rage but by the time you get to the third or fourth task and then start winding your way back to the first one, you’ve initiated three more along the way and then wonder why, at the end of the day, your head never hits your pillow at a respectable time.
My friend Gianna gave me a little book for my birthday, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuf…and it’s all small stuff,” by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. I was thrilled. It was a book I’d heard much praise about but just hadn’t gotten around to getting it in my hands until now. Printed just over a decade ago (1997, Hyperion), it remains one of those timeless books you can open to any page and begin reading. Being one of those people who reads the inside flap first, the back cover, the acknowledgements, and peruses through all the chapter contents before starting a book, I became so enticed by the chapter titles that I was too excited to settle on a topic. I wanted to read all of them at once for they all sounded deliciously enlightening.
But, rather than drive myself crazy of where to begin, I decided to be orderly and simply start with the first chapter. That way, I could methodically go from beginning to end. That lasted about two days. After reading chapter 11, my curiosity got the best of me (there are 100 chapters). On the third day, I flipped open to a chapter that seemed to speak to me, “Become a better listener.” Now, this could be the challenge of a lifetime!
Richard Carlson, writes, “It’s being content to listen to the entire thought of someone rather than waiting impatiently for your chance to respond.” Well, now that’s certainly a novel thought… I’m a woman. Not only did we women invent multitasking we are wired to think on our feet, though I humbly admit becoming a better listener is something others might appreciate that I master.
Chapter 7, “Don’t interrupt others or finish their sentence,” also spoke to me. Fiddly dee. Not only am I getting a lesson on humility, now I’m chagrined too.
At least now I have a solid agenda with a focus.
Taking out my trusty stack of Post-it sticky pads, I stuck one little yellow sticky pad on page 75 that reads, Goal #1, and another little yellow sticky pad on page 21, that reads, Goal #2. And, then I set out about the
Pascack
Valley towns with my two little goals tucked in my head to practice developing two new habits.
First stop. An afternoon with two of my dearest girlfriends of many years. Now, if that isn’t the crème de la crème of settings for implementing new social skills, I don’t know what is. The other day Kathy Lee Gifford said while conversing with Hoda Kolb (Today Show, NBC) that, “Women communicate like they are tossing salad and that men communicate like they are laying brick.” I don’t know anything about laying brick, but I’ve tossed a few salads in my lifetime with usually some sort of theatrics entering the picture. Hum… there may not be much hope for me, but I’ll keep trying.
Over the next few weeks, I hit the Park Ridge A&P, the Woodcliff Lake Post Office (the window guy, Jim, always has a smile), the Montvale Library Book Club, the jewelry store, went to my receptionist job, and visited the gas station. I was surprised at how many times I caught myself interrupting, though I must admit that my little exercise was easiest at the gas station. The prices made me pretty silent and the attendant was too busy pumping to take time for pleasantries. No interrupting challenges there.
The author, Mr. Carlson, goes on to say about interrupting, “This tendency (which, by the way, is extremely common in busy people) encourages both parties to speed up their speech and their thinking.” Ah ha! There you have it!
But, alas, my validation for my bad manners was short lived. A few sentences later, Mr. Carlson continues, “It’s also the cause of many arguments, because if there’s one thing almost everyone resents, it’s someone who doesn’t listen to what they are saying.”
The chapter ended with a silver lining with the author’s declaration that everyone basically feels more relaxed when the interrupting habit gets curbed.
If I meet you on the street and don’t seem to be listening and keep interrupting you, you’ll know that, once again, I forgot my own agenda. But, I won’t give up. By the time I finish the book maybe I will have developed some more good habits.
Until next time… Top Blonde… on the run.
| Comments (1) |
On August 7, 2008 theresa said:
Hi Jennifer,
Great article. Listening is one skill that everyone can use more effort in doing. It takes some doing to just listen and not have our minds on what we want to say next.
Thanks for sending me the link.
Theresa |
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